Monday Flash Fiction, October 2nd

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SMOOTH

“Guys, we have to talk about this.”

Jake squirmed in his chair. “I’m too embarrassed. And sore.”

Clint just sipped his coffee, not looking at either of us.

I tried again. “I mean, it’s not like nobody’s ever done this before.”

Jake stared at me, turning red. “We’ve never done this before.”

Clint finally put his mug down. “And we are never doing this again. I still can’t remember why any of us thought this was a good idea.” He looked pleadingly at me and Jake, looking like he was about to cry. “I mean, I’m really fucking sore.”

I nodded, humiliation and embarrassment adding to my own physical discomfort.

“Whose idea was it in the first place?” Jake asked.

I stared at my hands. “Um. Well, Jane gave me the coupons and told me she never felt better than after a brazillian wax. She said guys do it all the time.”

Clint snorted. “I just about fainted when that fat lady told me to turn over.” He looked at me with wide eyes and I remembered my own surprise. “I mean, I guess I never knew exactly what a “brazillian” meant.”

“Well, we do now.” I looked at Jake and blushed. “I cannot believe that people routinely have this done.”

“And pay for it!” he said indignantly. “I mean, I consider myself a bonafide masochist in other areas, but this? This is beyond any pain I’ve experienced.” He looked back and forth between me and Clint. “I’ll take a paddle to my ass any day before going back for a full waxing!”

Clint held up his hand, grimacing. “Okay, too much information, bro. The thing is, do women even find a completely smooth man remotely attractive?”

I nodded. “That’s the thing. Jane said girls go crazy for a guy with no body hair.”

Both Jake and Clint stared at me with barely contained contempt. “You know she played you right?” Jake said.

“What?”

They looked at each other and back at me. “She knows exactly how much this shit hurts. She’s played us all, bro,” Clint stated, defeat in his eyes.

The realization dawned on me that they were absolutely right. I couldn’t believe I’d fallen for it.

“But I — we –” I stuttered. “Fuck!”

Jake sighed. “Lesson learned. Never trust a sweet girl. They’re all smarter than you think they are. And way more devious.”

 

 

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